I am very sorry for the loss of your beloved, Jonathan. Please know that Jehovah God is aware of your pain and he cares for you. (2 Corinthians 1:3,4) . I pray that you are able to find comfort in God's promise of paradise where there will be no more pain and sorrow (Revelation 21:4,5)  and the many wonderful  memories of your beloved becoming a reality in the future  resurrection in paradise.  (Acts 24:15). Please accept my sincere condolences.